#mo

I had a dream about you. You had no skin or muscle on your face, and to try to conceal your bare skull you liberally applied lipstick and makeup. Your birthday was coming up, and I knew you were probably sensitive about parties that emphasize the aging process, so I decided to box up your gift in a coffin and wrap it with black wrapping paper. I got you the best gift ever too—a hooker, who happened to be dead, because that enabled me to procure a sizeable discount.
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

A brick could be used to attract a potential life partner. Yes indeed, and it’s how I met my ex wife. And the only reason she didn’t become my life partner was because I outlived our relationship, despite her numerous attempts to kill me. I’m 31 years old now, so thank God for modern science enabling me to achieve such longevity. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Never mind. Bye, Carmen. Don't go out and get radical or anything." THE PINATA-MAKER'S DAUGHTER ↗

— Eileen Granfors

#protest-movements #relationships #relationship

It’s complicated. He’s not…' Human? 'He’s playing hard to get. ↗

— Nicki Elson

#humor #paranormal-romance #relationship

The hospital room was as cold as dead skin, the hallway crowded with lost souls and reeking of illness. ↗

— Raquel Cepeda

#hospital #mortality #sickness #souls #relationship

He realized with sudden clarity that the power axis in a conflict shifted once your adversary had heard you plead for divine intervention while her hands and mouth and body brought you to screaming climax on her kitchen table. ↗

— Barbara Falkenrath

#humor-relationships #romance #relationship

Women destroy me. I allow them to. ↗

— Raquel Cepeda

#infidelity #machismo #male-and-female-relationships #masculinity #weakness

The Auden/Kallman relationship had this to be said for it: It affirmed that it's better to be blatant than latent. ↗

— Christopher Hitchens

#coming-out #homosexuality #relationships #the-closet #wh-auden

I have to be on the top of my game if I am going to kill things for you, right?" -Ash ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#relationship

Okay. Fine.” Angelina was silent. For about fifteen seconds. “But you do know that a vibrator can’t really be your boyfriend.” Miki dropped her head into her hands. “I will not discuss Mr. Happy with the likes of you.” Angelina sighed. “I find the fact that you named your vibrator disturbing on so many levels.” “Best relationship I’ve ever had. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#mr-happy #relationship