#mo

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor #mothers #family

How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?" asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding. "The Ministry's providing a couple of cars," said Mr. Weasley. Everyone looked up at him. "Why?" said Percy curiously. "It's because of you, Perce," said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-" "-for Humongous Bighead," said Fred. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #percy-weasley #self-importance #teasing #family

No, I do my torturing in the dungeon like any other respectable castle owner, ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#vlad-tepesh #humor

Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light. ↗

— Madeleine L'Engle

#family

I have a container full of yelling I keep in my kitchen. It makes a great cleaning product, as it’s wonderfully abrasive.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clean #cleaning #funny #humor #kitchen

In einem freien Staat müssen Zunge und Meinung frei sein. ↗

— Suetonius

#freedom #rechtsstaat #freedom

Claim whatever you want. Say you only want a happy family or a successful career or a big house. I say: no, that's not what you want. You'll settle for those things, but you really want a monkey that does your evil bidding. Pullman is a genius just for this. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#humor #monkeys #family

I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#family #funny #humor #relationships #family

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#family

A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it. ↗

— Mary Karr

#humor #family