#mo

-perhaps by sitting down to enjoy one of the microwavable organic TV dinners(four words I never expected to see conjoined)stacked in the frozen food case. ↗

— Michael Pollan

#food

Hermes gazed up at the stars. "My dear young cousin, if there's one thing I've learned over the eons, it's that you can't give up on your family, no matter how tempting they make it. It doesn't matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don't appreciate your genius for inventing the Internet-" "You invented the Internet?" It was my idea, Martha said. Rats are delicious, George said. "It was my idea!" Hermes said. "I mean the Internet, not the rats. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#george #hermes #humor #internet #martha

I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, because I don’t like taking credit for others’ work—in this case, my mom and dad. Or possibly my mom and the mailman.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#celebrate #celebration #credit #dad #family

So you actually need spectacles,” Leo finally said. “Of course I do,” Marks said crossly. “Why would I wear spectacles if I didn’t need them?” “I thought they might be part of your disguise.” “My disguise?” “Yes, Marks, disguise. A noun describing a means of concealing someone’s identity. Often used by clowns and spies. And now apparently governesses. Good God, can anything be ordinary for my family? ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #romance #family

Does mother know you’ve done your best for her? Half her genes are yours. But if you’re an average-sized family, her entire fortune might not be. ↗

— Bauvard

#genetics #humor #inheritence #motherly-love #family

My two parents represent the single greatest influence on my life. And if my dad had been there for me, it would be the double greatest influence on my life.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#family #father #influence #mother #parents

There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#religion #family

Cutting pain was a different flavor of hurt. It made it easier not to think about having my body and my family and my life stolen, made it easier not to care... -Wintergirls ↗

— Laurie Halse Anderson

#emotional-wounds #family

A mother’s love: the sacred relationship of affording a nanny so as to be tolerated as a granny. ↗

— Bauvard

#love #mothers #retirement #funny

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, 'So, what did you think? ↗

— Steven Wright

#family