#mo

I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #home #humor #impatience #impatient

WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS? THE MAN'S A VAMPIRE! Yeah, but he's a really, REALLY sexy one. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney. ↗

— Tad Williams

#humor

Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#love #humor

This book was written using 100% recycled words. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#environmentalism #humor #humor

Max, if you survive your final test, can you steal me one of those magic outfits for me?" I'll try to get one for each of us. Hey! 'If'? ↗

— James Patterson

#humor

Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.' Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

Reyna sent me to get Percy," Frank said. "Did Octavian accept you?" "Yeah," Percy said. "He slaughtered my panda. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#panda-pillow-pets #humor

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor #wordplay #humor

Tacos." "Tacos?" I echoed. This seemed to amuse him. "Tomatoes, lettuce, cheese." "I know what a taco is! ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#patch-cipriano #tacos #humor