#mustache

Last week I placed a hand-written sign in front of my neighborhood that read, “Lost Mustache. Please do not feed. If found, contact Mouth,” and I left my phone number. Nobody’s called. Perhaps the neighborhood cat lady took it in and is petting it on her lap at this very moment. Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cat-lady #cats #contact #lap #life

When I went to the Olympics, I had every intention of shaving the mustache off, but I realized I was getting so many comments about it - and everybody was talking about it - that I decided to keep it. ↗

— Mark Spitz

#comments #decided #every #everybody #getting

In the name of freedom and redistribution of wealth, I’ve decided to grow a beard on my chest.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#chest #freedom #mustache #redistribution #wealth

I want to hang from a tree the way Spanish moss hung from my father's face, like the mustache he was so embarrassed he couldn't grow. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#mustache #spanish-moss #funny

My facial hair is imperative. I put the must in mustache.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #imperative #mustache #funny

I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offered to tweeze his eyebrows. He accepted and was so grateful that he offered to trade mustaches with me. In remembrance of that special bonding moment, I still wear his mustache over my left nipple.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bald #baldness #bond #bonding #eyebrows

The tire left a skid mark on the road that looked like a mustache. So I shaved it off the pavement, stuffed it in my trunk, and took it home to wear to work the next day. Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#day #life #mustache #nonsense #pavement

Men always talk about the most important things to perfect strangers. In the perfect stranger we perceive man himself; the image of a God is not disguised by resemblances to an uncle or doubts of wisdom of a mustache. ↗

— Gilbert K. Chesterton

#always #disguised #doubts #god #himself

The only time I'm not Hulk Hogan is when I'm behind closed doors because as soon as I walk out the front door, and somebody says hello to me, I can't just say 'hello' like Terry. When they see me, they see the blond hair, the mustache, and the bald head, they instantly think Hulk Hogan. ↗

— Hulk Hogan

#because #behind #blond #blond hair #closed

A mustache really defines your face. My dad had a mustache when I was growing up, and I can still remember when he shaved it, he looked like a completely different person. ↗

— Jason Sudeikis

#dad #defines #different #different person #face