#mustache

I had a mustache when I was 13. ↗

— David Schwimmer

#i #mustache

I want to buy a sports car, because I like riding bicycles. Hold on to my handlebar mustache if you value your life.
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— Jarod Kintz

#life #mustache #non-sequitur #sports-car #value

I wish there existed philosophical delivery stations, where a person could call up and order an answer to such questions as, “Does life have meaning, and what’s the meaning of meaning?” Then a delivery guy with a thick German mustache would show up at your door within thirty minutes with an answer. And you could order a large two-topping answer for only 9.99, plus tip. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#german #humor #meaning #mustache #philosophy

We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #gentleman #humor #love #lovers

A black boy brought Wilson's gin and he sipped it very slowly because he had nothing else to do except to return to his hot and squalid room and read a novel - or a poem. Wilson liked poetry, but he absorbed it secretly, like a drug. The Golden Treasury accompanied him wherever he went, but it was taken at night in small doses - a finger of Longfellow, Macaulay, Mangan: 'Go on to tell how, with genius wasted, Betrayed in friendship, befooled in love...' His taste was romantic. For public exhibition he has his Wallace. He wanted passionately to be indistinguishable on the surface from other men: he wore his moustache like a club tie - it was his highest common factor, but his eyes betrayed him - brown dog's eyes, a setter's eyes, pointing mournfully towards Bond Street. ↗

— Graham Greene

#mustache #poetry #reading #friendship

I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22
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— Jarod Kintz

#cops #funny #humor #mustache #police

I want to hang from a tree the way Spanish moss hung from my father's face, like the mustache he was so embarrassed he couldn't grow. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#mustache #spanish-moss #funny

My facial hair is imperative. I put the must in mustache.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #imperative #mustache #funny

I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offered to tweeze his eyebrows. He accepted and was so grateful that he offered to trade mustaches with me. In remembrance of that special bonding moment, I still wear his mustache over my left nipple.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bald #baldness #bond #bonding #eyebrows

The tire left a skid mark on the road that looked like a mustache. So I shaved it off the pavement, stuffed it in my trunk, and took it home to wear to work the next day. Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#day #life #mustache #nonsense #pavement