#mustache

We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #gentleman #humor #love #lovers

They told me I gave the best milk mustache of anybody. ↗

— Yasmine Bleeth

#best #gave #i #me #milk

I will say, as a woman, when you put a mustache on, you find out a lot of things about yourself. ↗

— Carrie Brownstein

#find #i #lot #mustache #out

Last week I placed a hand-written sign in front of my neighborhood that read, “Lost Mustache. Please do not feed. If found, contact Mouth,” and I left my phone number. Nobody’s called. Perhaps the neighborhood cat lady took it in and is petting it on her lap at this very moment. Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cat-lady #cats #contact #lap #life

In the name of freedom and redistribution of wealth, I’ve decided to grow a beard on my chest.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#chest #freedom #mustache #redistribution #wealth

My facial hair is imperative. I put the must in mustache.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #imperative #mustache #funny

I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offered to tweeze his eyebrows. He accepted and was so grateful that he offered to trade mustaches with me. In remembrance of that special bonding moment, I still wear his mustache over my left nipple.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bald #baldness #bond #bonding #eyebrows

Eddie Drake is sort of this loose cannon, funny, edgy guy, who has this really foolish, foolish mustache. ↗

— Lee Tergesen

#drake #eddie #edgy #foolish #funny

Mustaches are so cool that I not only have one—I have two. I wear both of mine above my eyes.
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— Jarod Kintz

#eyes #funny #humor #mustache #mustaches

Orafoura paid me in pajamas, and I let him because the pajamas matched his plaid mustache.
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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #mustache #orafoura #pajamas