#nat

I decide to release myself the only way I can imagine: I pee my pants. ↗

— Phil Torcivia

#humour #imagination

He was muscular, like a man who could pin you up against the wall as easily as a poster, yet lean, like a man who would rather cradle you in his arms. He had reddish, blonde-brown hair that was groomed heterosexually. He looked older than the other boys in the room—maybe not as old as God or my father, but certainly a viable replacement. Imagine if you took every woman’s idea of a hot guy and averaged it out into one man. This was that man. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #imagination

Have you noticed how dogs sniff at one another when they meet? It seems to be their nature. - Yes; it's a funny habit. - No, it's not funny; you are wrong there. There's nothing funny in nature, however funny it may seem to man. If dogs could reason and criticize us they'd be sure to find just as much that would be funny to them, if not far more, in the social relations of men, their masters -far more, I think. I am more convinced that there is far more foolishness among us. ↗

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

#nature #society #funny

Abel was brushing the snow off his parka while Micha was dancing around him, still balancing the plate of cookies, singing, 'We're staying, we're staying, we're staying overnight! We're drying! We're drying! We're drying on the line! ↗

— Antonia Michaelis

#antonia-michaelis #funny #micha-and-abel #micha-tannatek #sweet

Anna took his hand to gauge the swelling. 'Let's at least put something cold around it. Frozen peas work pretty well.' 'Do I have to eat them?' 'No, you just have to inject them into a vein,' Anna said. ↗

— Antonia Michaelis

#abel-tannatek #antonia-michaelis #frozen-peas #funny #the-storyteller

You know,” he said, “P.S.S. Piss Camp.” “Yeah, I get it,” I said, “It’s just not funny. ↗

— Ripley Patton

#humor #supernatural #friendship

I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#haunted-shoe #humor #paranormal-romance #random #richelle-mead

I always procrastinate. It allows me to do what I want now without sacrificing my goals for the future. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #goals #humor #procrastination #funny

Fuck You!' [Oskar said] 'Exuse me!' [His mom said] 'Sorry. I mean, screw you.' 'You need a time-out!' 'I need a mausoleum! ↗

— Jonathan Safran Foer

#jonathan-safran-foer #oskar-schell #sad #funny

That quotation about not having time to stand and stare has never applied to me. I seem to have spent a good part of my life - probably too much - in just standing and staring and I was at it again this morning. ↗

— James Herriot

#beauty #hills #beauty