#ness

Drunken men give some of the best pep talks. ↗

— Criss Jami

#best #conversation #drink #drinking #drunk

Out of curiosity, when do I grow up and become a fullfledged man with a penis?” “When words like ‘hump day’ don’t make you giggle like a twelve-year-old,” he retorted, blowing smoke my way. “Wow, that long? ↗

— Dani Alexander

#growing-up #humor #hump-day #humor

Bes had indeed put on his ugly outfit. He climbed onto the roof of the limbo and stood there, legs planted, arms akimbo, like superman-exept with only the underwear. I wasn't sure what to say except: "Put some clothes on!" "These children are under my protection," Bes insisted. "I don't know you," I said, "I never met you before today." "Nonsense. You expressly asked for my attention." "I didn't ask for the Speedo Patrol! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#bes #humor #sadie-kane #humor

I'll see she gets them," Brodick said. Judith shook her head. "I want to meet her," she explained. She stood up and walked over to the table. "I have messages to give her from her mother." "I'll be happy to show you the way," Alex volunteered. "I'll do it," Gowrie announced in a much firmer voice. Brodick shook his head. "Isabelle is my sister-in-law," he snapped. "I'll show Judith the way." Iain had opened the door, and stood there listening to the argument. He was having difficulty believing what he was hearing… and seeing. His warriors were acting like lovesick squires while they argued over who would escort Judith. ↗

— Julie Garwood

#lovesickness #humor

Cartooning is preaching. And I think we have a right to do some preaching. I hate shallow humor. I hate shallow religious humor, I hate shallow sports humor, I hate shallowness of any kind. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#cartoons #humor #preaching #shallow #shallowness

My best definition of a nerd: someone who asks you to explain an aphorism ↗

— Nassim Nicholas Taleb

#nerd #nerdiness #nerds #sense-of-humor #wisdom

My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off. ↗

— Steve Kluger

#self-consciousness #witty #humor

He’s harmless, poor thing. That’s what everyone said. It was true, but who cares? Lots of people are harmless, but that doesn’t mean I have to like them. ↗

— Franny Billingsley

#humor #humor

In a town like London there are always plenty of not quite certifiable lunatics walking the streets, and they tend to gravitate towards bookshops, because a bookshop is one of the few places where you can hang about for a long time without spending any money. ↗

— George Orwell

#bookshops #humor #london #lunatics #madness

Everyone wants a piece of you. The trick is what piece to give. ↗

— Solange nicole

#humor #life #people #selfishness #society