#nuts

The movers and shakers have always been obsessive nuts. ↗

— Theodore Sturgeon

#been #nuts #obsessive #shakers

I lived crazy really young. So now I don't need to go out and get nuts. ↗

— Channing Tatum

#get #go #i #lived #need

Now about those ghosts. I'm sure they're here and I'm not half so alarmed at meeting up with any of them as I am at having to meet the live nuts I have to see every day. ↗

— Bess Truman

#alarmed #am #any #day #every

What in god’s name happened to your nuts?” “They met a jet-powered water hose.” He grimaced. “They’re already healing.” A rare glint of amusement lit Lawrence’s eyes. “You have balls of steel.” “You have inappropriate humour. ↗

— Dianna Hardy

#humor #humour #nuts #torture #humor

Supplementing the far, remote Glory-of-God expression in his face, the glory-of-doughnuts shone suddenly very warmly. ↗

— Eleanor Hallowell Abbott

#funny #humor #funny

It's your money or you'll be wearing cement shoes - Peppermint Patty ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#money

I love nuts. I'm for nuts. I am nuts. ↗

— Penn Jillette

#inspirational #nuts #weirdos #humor

Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#end

Two coconuts dropped beside him. Each went about its death throes with a slight bounce and languorous crawl then fell still. ↗

— Darrell Drake

#fantasy #death

That Reagan shaped mechanical gadget in the metal box that made you jump like a little sissy boy, Joe, that is the heart and soul of what the flag’n’Jebus crowd is scared of so bad they can’t even think about him existing.” He looked at Joe, waiting for an aha! that didn’t come. “That whole wing of modern conservatism lives for, on, about, with, in, and by the idea that everything is happening via supernatural powers and that the devil is powerful and has to be fought. Modern science totally spoils that because it gives people so much power but not from supernatural sources. No God in the instruments, you know? “So with modern tech we can make Ronald Reagan appear to come back from the grave, but to do it with modern tech leaves no need for spirits or sacred words or miracles or any other flavor of magic. Which only re emphasizes what they’re most afraid of: living in a world where nobody paints the sky blue every morning, or leaves quarters for teeth, or made platypi as a joke, or decided to sculpt the Grand Canyon, or took granny to heaven to make chocolate chip cookies for the angels. Nobody, nobody, nobody. So since their theology won’t let me bring in a Robo Jesus to call forth Robo Reagan, like sort of a Robo Lazarus, and they really want this, like so many people do…well, it can’t come from nobody, it has to come from somebody, and the somebody can’t be God. “Well, if the devil is anything, he’s somebody.” Joe was still sputtering. “But it…I mean, they’re going to think it’s coming out of Hell! Literal capital H real place Hell!” “Well, exactly. Think about how much that proves. If there’s a Hell and a Devil, there’s also a Heaven and a God. Once they have their Reagan back all they have to do is pray over him a little, drive the devil out, accept the blessing of a restored Reagan on behalf of God, and they’re good to go. God forgives crazier shit than that all the time. ↗

— John Barnes

#religious-nuts #religious-right #right-wingers #satire #forgiveness