#ny

ONE OF MY girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#so-true #funny

I want to do something spontaneous, like combust. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #spontaneity #funny

You can always tell the quality of an author by their cover picture. Bad writers bear an idiotic smile on the inside flap. Great writers take up the entire back cover looking slightly mad, sad, or bored. The very best writers, though, had the superior ability to die before photography was invented. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #writing #funny

Look, a mushroom cloud!” “Releasing fungus on us, huh? Hold your nose. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #nuclear-war #funny

If someone says you’re not right for them, they’re lying. What they’re really trying to tell you is they want you to stalk them and show them how committed you really are. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

I honk at protestors to show my support, and also tell them to get the fuck out of my way. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #protest #funny

You are not showing her my baby pictures!” He sounded horrified, which made me laugh. “Come on, Evan,” I teased with a laughing smile, “you were adorable. ↗

— Rebecca Donovan

#baby-pictures #breathing #emma-thomas #evan-mathews #funny

I think therefore I am... I think. ↗

— George Carlin

#george-carlin #humor #funny

If I could get hold of something nasty and drop it in the coffee urn, I could poison them all." "Too bad your personality's not water-soluble. ↗

— Jesse Hajicek

#humor #funny

Tell me, Lothaire, I want to know. Convince me why I should love you.” “Because any other female would! ↗

— Kresley Cole

#funny #humour #paranormal-romance #romance #funny