#ny

Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car? ↗

— Richelle Mead

#bloodlines #funny #richelle-mead #the-golden-lily #dating

It doesn't have to be on Valentine's Day. It doesn't have to be by the time you turn eighteen or thirty-three or fifty-nine. It doesn't have to conform to whatever is usual. It doesn't have to be kismet at once, or rhapsody by the third date. It just has to be. In time. In place. In spirit. It just has to be. ↗

— David Levithan

#love #dating

It’s scary to be a woman on a blind date. For all she knows the man she is meeting up with could be a rapist, a murderer, or, God forbid, a politician. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #murderer #politician #politics #rapist

I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dating #funny #humor #one-liner #ridiculous

Mr. Cruncher... always spoke of the year of our Lord as Anna Dominoes: apparently under the impression that the Christian era dated from the invention of a popular game, by a lady who had bestowed her name upon it. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#dating

Mom, camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. ↗

— Yvonne Prinz

#funny #marriage #dating

Kill you all!" The clown was laughing and screaming. "Try to stop me and I'll kill you all! Drive you crazy and then kill you all! You can't stop me! ↗

— Stephen King

#death #horror #it #kill #king

Stupid Romanian bloodsucker. He was lucky I hadn't bestowed another exalted scar on his imperial body. ↗

— Beth Fantaskey

#funny #vampire #dating

Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates," or even worse, people who choose to dress their dogs up in outfits better suited for homosexuals participating in a gay pride parade. Dog costumes are right up there with something else I find particularly offensive: sweater vests. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#dogs #funny #humor #dating

If I were a lawyer, I’d only date women named Sue. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #lawyer #dating