#odd

Let's just go in and enjoy ourselves,' Yvonne had said after a long moment when the Hitchens family had silently reviewed the menu—actually of the prices not the courses—outside a restaurant on our first and only visit to Paris. I knew at once that the odds against enjoyment had shortened (or is it lengthened? I never remember). ↗

— Christopher Hitchens

#family #menus #odds #paris #price

The Italians say “Chow.” To them it means “Bye,” but to me it means food. Of the greetings, goodbye is the desert. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange

Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies.
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— Jarod Kintz

#alexander-the-great #bizarre #caesar #conquer #funny

I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half empty can of tuna (keeps the stray cats away, because I perform in a gritty, grimy downtown alley).
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— Jarod Kintz

#cats #choreography #dance #dancing #day

We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars).
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #fun-absurd #funny #horses #humor

My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica? 
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— Jarod Kintz

#accompany #bizarre #funny #harmonica #humor

I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink.
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— Jarod Kintz

#alcohol #bizarre #drink #freeze #froze

There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #flag #flagpole #funny #honor

My uncle was always trying to staple rodents and small mammals to my torso when I was growing up. He’d always say, “Come on, this will put hair on your chest.” No, thanks, I’d say. I’ll stick to super-gluing wigs across my pecks. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #growing-up #odd #strange #surreal

I told the waitress I wanted some coffee. She asked if I wanted leaded of unleaded, so I had to leave the restaurant, because I quit drinking gasoline years ago. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #gasoline #odd #waitress #funny