#ok

Everyone thinks I'm crazy, you know, because I can't tell them the truth; which is, that I'm driven crazy by all these thoughts, all these heads. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor #sookie-stackhouse #true-blood #humor

Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #jesus #joke #necromancer #religion

He kissed me for a long moment, holding my shoulders, perhaps to keep me from pressing my whole body against his. Then he tried to lift my bag. "My God," he said. "What happened?" "I found out one may check out twenty books at a time from the school library. ↗

— Laura Whitcomb

#humor #kiss #laura-whitcomb #library #reading

Your... Your aura. It's... amazing. It's shining. I mean, it always shines, but today... Well I've never seen anything like it. I didn't expect that after everything that happened.' I shifted around uncomfortably. If I lit up around Dimitri normally, what on earth happened to my aura post-sex? ↗

— Richelle Mead

#dirty #funny #hathaway #humor #ivashkov

They were steaming out of the station before Maia asked, 'Was it books in the trunk?' 'It was books, admitted Miss Minton. And Maia said, 'Good. ↗

— Eva Ibbotson

#books #humor #humor

Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different. In fact, I might even go too far in the opposite direction. My sign would say something like, "Smoke if you wish. But if you do, be prepared for the following series of events: First, we will confiscate your cigarette and extinguish it somewhere on the surface of your skin. We will then run you nicotine-stained fingers through a paper shredder and throw them into the street, where wild dogs will swallow them and then regurgitate them into the sewers, so that infected rats can further soil them before they're flushed out to sea with the rest of the city's filth. After such time, we will sysematically seek out your friends and loved one and destroy their lives." Wouldn't you like to see a sign like that? ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #smoking #funny

You have two eyes, and two ears, but only one mouth. This is so because you are supposed to look and listen more than you talk. ↗

— Lucca Kaldahl

#eyes #humor #listen #looking #mouth

Plus as she put it, Prince Eric was far too hairy and peach colored for her taste. I always thought he was pretty hott, but then again, I am a mammal. ↗

— Kiersten White

#evie #humor #humor

Oh, I adore to cook. It makes me feel so mindless in a worthwhile way. ↗

— Truman Capote

#humor #humor

I did what I have been told to do by my queen. In so doing, I fell into a trap I couldn't escape. I still can't." "The trap of LUUUUVVVV, I thought sarcastically. But he was too serious, too calm, to mock. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor #sookie-stackhouse #humor