#ok

Books are a hard-bound drug with no danger of an overdose. I am the happy victim of books. ↗

— Karl Lagerfeld

#drugs

What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning-- and a child's more imporant than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#funny #jokes #meaning #trying #funny

I hate the vamp jobs. They think they're so suave. It's not enough for them to slaughter and eat you like a zombie would. No, they want to be all sexy, too. And trust me: vampires? Not. Sexy. ↗

— Kiersten White

#evie #humor #vampires #humor

A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #humor

When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first, that way in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side. ↗

— Nora Ephron

#dark-side #die #end #finish #first

No, I don't want you to leave. I'm just grabbing your coat and nudging your toward the door for fun #AHOLE ↗

— Andy Ostrom

#cooking #entertaining #etiquette #funny #humor

After a time he fell asleep, and some unsteady fairies had to climb over him on their way home from an orgy. ↗

— J.M. Barrie

#funny #humor #humour #funny

I was once honest with myself, on April Fool's day. I thought it would be the best practical joke ever, but I realized I'd already been the butt of an even bigger one. My birth. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #honesty #humor #practical-jokes #funny

I’m the sexiest of them all! - Carol ↗

— Matthew Leeth

#funny #horror #matthew-leeth #me #she-was-different

I want to write a song called, “She Bangs.” It won’t be about a sexually loose woman, but rather it will be a knock-knock joke.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#joke #song #funny