#om

This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, "Possibly the gods exist, and possibly they do not. So why not believe in them in any case? If it's all true you'll go to a lovely place when you die, and if it isn't then you've lost nothing, right?" When he died he woke up in a circle of gods holding nasty-looking sticks and one of them said, "We're going to show you what we think of Mr Clever Dick in these parts... ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humor

Unrequited love is so boring. Weeping under a blue-black sky is for suckers or maniacs. ↗

— Alice Hoffman

#romance #unrequited-love #humor

He smiled. "I suppose I thought we'd have a madly impractical, terrifyingly modern sort of marriage. One based on love. Not to mention dangerous undertakings and hair's-breadth escapes from burning buildings, high ledges and exploding sewers." "And bickering." "Always that, yes." "Assuming I want to marry at all." "True. I know of no good way of forcing you to do anything." "And you're mad enough to think it could work - one day?" He cupped her face in his hands. His smile was so brilliant it seemed to illuminate the room. "I think it would be heaven." She trembled, then. "You have a very strange idea of heaven." "Kiss me and see. ↗

— Y.S. Lee

#love #marriage #romance #humor

When exactly did every housewife in America become a whore? ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#whores #women #humor

Nothing goes so well with a hot fire and buttered crumpets as a wet day without and a good dose of comfortable horrors within. The heavier the lashing of the rain and the ghastlier the details, the better the flavour seems to be. ↗

— Dorothy L. Sayers

#crime #humor #irony #mysteries #humor

I didn't know you had a girlfriend, Griggs." Anson Choi feigns surprise. "What's her name?" "I didn't actually catch her name," Griggs continues. "Lily," Raffaela says over her shoulder and this time I give her a sideways look. "Great to know that I'm in love with a girl with a cool name." "It's Taylor's middle name," Raffaela calls back again. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#melina-marchetta #on-the-jellicoe-road #romance #humor

Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn’t do good for people, she did right by them. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#wisdom #humor

I forgot my purse of laughter when I dressed this mornin'," she told me. "Have you not bought anythin' the last few days? Prices have gone up. Pay or starve, it's all one to me. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#humorous-comebacks #inflation #sarcasm #seller #humor

Can't you home school me?" Nate pleaded. "You would never do any work." (Nate's mom) "Sounds perfect! ↗

— Brandon Mull

#humor #humor

I don’t believe him,” said Hermione in a very unsteady voice, the moment they were out of earshot of Hagrid. “I don’t believe him. I really don’t believe him. . . .” “Calm down,” said Harry. “Calm down!” she said feverishly. “A giant! A giant in the forest! And we’re supposed to give him English lessons! Always assuming, of course, we can get past the herd of murderous centaurs on the way in and out! I — don’t — believe — him! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#centaurs #duty #humor #promises #humor