#or

When life gives you lemons. . . You might as well shove 'em where the sun don't shine, because you sure as hell aren't ever going to see any lemonade. ↗

— Rob Thurman

#lemonade #lemons #nightlife #humor

Heaven has no taste." "Now-" "And not one single sushi restaurant." A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #sushi #humor

You’re not as sexy as I think you are.” She squinted. Wait. That hadn’t come out right. ↗

— Thea Harrison

#tricks #humor

Give the People what they want - and they'll get what they deserve. ↗

— The Kinks

#irony #life-lessons #popular-culture #rock-music #wit

Hugh consoled me, saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at." When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think. ↗

— David Sedaris

#iq #smart #talent #humor

Man makes plans . . . and God laughs. ↗

— Michael Chabon

#futility #humor

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened. ↗

— Michel de Montaigne

#inspirational #humor

A wise man once said, never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment. ↗

— Frank Zappa

#humor

You like them," I realized. Noah's eyebrows lifted in question. "Like as people." "As opposed to...furniture?" "They're my PARENTS." "That is my understanding, yes. ↗

— Michelle Hodkin

#sarcasm #humor

Anyway, it's like with bikes,' said the first speaker authoritatively. 'I thought I was going to get this bike with seven gears and one of them razorblade saddles and purple paint and everything, and they gave me this light blue one. With a basket. A girl's bike.' 'Well. You're a girl,' said one of the others. 'That's sexism, that is. Going around giving people girly presents just because they're a girl. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#sexism #humor