#or

I handed him a beaker and toyed with the pleats of my skirt. The folds kept rippling against my knees in a distracting way. It was one of Naomi's additions to my wardrobe. I quickly decided that I hated it. ↗

— Andrea Cremer

#funny #humor #skirt #werewolf #funny

You flatter me shamelessly. I like it. Good. ↗

— Kenneth Oppel

#humor #kate #matt #skybreaker #funny

Baby, I want you to know that…even though my other secretaries were in that video with us, it won’t be like that in the future. No more girl-on-girl action. I know an open-minded guy who lives down the hall. We’ll keep it strictly a couples affair, with some occasional swapping. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#porno #swinging #funny

A horse blanket, Mel? I remembered what I was wearing. 'It tore in half when Hrani tried washing it. She was going to mend it. This piece was too small for a horse, but it was just right for me.' Bran laughed a little unsteadly. 'Mel. A horse blanket. ↗

— Sherwood Smith

#brother-and-sister #funny #horse #funny

Always be nice to people to their face. Then when they turn around, berate the back of their head. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #politeness #funny

• When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #funny

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#funny #humor #humour #kiddnapped #rodney-dangerfield

He’d spent so much time in the penalty box for fighting last season, he’d been tempted to hang a picture and maybe set up a lava lamp, it had felt so much like home ↗

— Rachel Gibson

#humor #funny

I don't want my wife to have more sons; the two we have now are too much like her. When we're ready for another child, I'm cloning myself. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #funny

When someone says something offensive and I want to voice my opinion, I hire a spokesman to beat that person up. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #opinions #violence #funny