#or

If you have ever been in a real tragic or sad situation, the words that come out are hopelessly inadequate and kind of cliched. ↗

— Erika Slezak

#cliched #come #ever #hopelessly #inadequate

Bugger off kitty!" - Ryou "But before we begin this duel to the death, I have just one question. Could I get a hug?" - Melvin "Help! This supermodel is one of my fangirls!" - Ryou "A locked door?! Impossiblllllll- No wait, that's totally possible. What am I talking about?" - Melvin "Let's ditch the tosser!" - Ryou "What a lovely day." - Melvin "Gangway; women and shemales first!" -Ryou "This door is a bitch!" - Melvin "Can I be the main character now?" - Ryou "'STAB'. (Denied.) 'KILL'. (Denied.) 'MUTIL-' Ah dammit, there aren't enough spaces! Umm... 'PAIN'. (Denied.) Why are these the only words I know?!" - Melvin "I'm here to kick ass and drink cups of tea. And I'm all out of tea." - Ryou ↗

— Little Kuriboh Ryou and Melvin

#humor #little-kurioh #marik #mariku #melvin-ishtar

A writer’s brain is full of little gifts, like a piñata at a birthday party. It’s also full of demons, like a piñata at a birthday party in a mental hospital. The truth is, it’s demons that keep a tortured writer’s spirit alive, not Tootsie Rolls. Sure they’ll give you a tiny burst of energy, but they won’t do squat for your writing. So treat your demons with the respect they deserve, and with enough prescriptions to keep you wearing pants. ↗

— Colin Nissan

#humor #writers #writing #funny

I reiterate that I am strongly committed to working with those on all sides of politics to improve how Parliament operates. ↗

— Peter Slipper

#committed #how #i #i am #improve

While it has been hurtful to my family and me to read constantly in the media that I was under investigation, I am pleased that as expected my spending has been found to be in order. ↗

— Peter Slipper

#been #constantly #expected #family #found

Thank you for giving me the energy for my morning jog. I’m sorry I didn’t warn you about my low ceiling, or my ceiling fan, or the blender on the counter. ↗

— Bauvard

#energy-drinks #exercise #funny #humor #jogging

Yeah 220, 221 whatever it takes!" Michael Keaton character in "Mr. Mom ↗

— Mark Buff

#funny-humor #humor #humorous #funny

What made Olive the saddest about the Gardners was that everyone wanted to be enshrined in someone’s memory. It was the only way of living on after death, really: in the minds of loved ones. Memories were the only things that made aging bearable, a way of reverting to better, simpler days. ↗

— Andrea Lochen

#alzheimers #death #dementia #memory #age

Don't commit to being a columnist unless you're willing to do it right. Report your behind off, so you have something original and useful to say. Say it in a way that will interest someone other than you, your family and your sources. ↗

— Allan Sloan

#being #columnist #commit #family #interest

A blanket could be used to stimulate the topographical terrain of a mountainous region. Kind of makes you feel like God, if you think about it.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny