#or

Outside the hospital the war was still going on. Men went mad and were rewarded with medals. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#humor

Let me know when you're ready to talk." She stopped and glanced at them both over her shoulder. "Maybe then I'd be ready to discuss your sexual twists and my own little abnormal desires. You never know what we all might learn that we haven't already." With that, she turned and moved back into the house, closing the door behind her and disappearing out of sight. And Cam found his back slammed against the side of Ian's Hummer, his brother in his face. Lust and irritation flared in his brother's eyes. "You better start talking," he grated. "Because you know what she just did?" "She just dared us, Cam. And I don't know about you, but the thought of 'abnormal desires' dancing through her mind is going to drive me fucking crazy. Now, fix it. ↗

— Lora Leigh

#humor #humor

Kinzie smiled smugly. “You admire our base of operations? Yes, our distribution system is worldwide. It took many years and most of our fortune to build. Now, finally, we’re turning a profit. The mortals don’t realize they are funding the Amazon kingdom. Soon, we’ll be richer than any mortal nation. Then—when the weak mortals depend on us for everything—the revolution will begin!” “What are you going to do?” Frank grumbled. “Cancel free shipping? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#amazons #frank-zhang #humor #kinzie #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians

So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends—but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership. ↗

— Julio-Alexi Genao

#humorous #monday #mondays #humor

You can share in my joy, but I don’t want to share my misery. No, I want to give away my misery. Go ahead, take it all.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #joy #miserable #misery #selfish

You are a sick, sick man,” I told him. “Thank you,” Ben replied, looking modest. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #mercy-thompson #sarcasm #silver-borne #humor

Dude, got eyes? I'm collecting evidence." [...] "In Ziploc bags." "I think they're Glad." "They look impartial to me. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor

There's always the dinner rolls," said Will, pointing to a covered basket. "Though I warn you, they're as hard as stones. You could use them to kill black beetles, if any beetles bother you in the middle of the night. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#will-herondale #humor

We ain't in the game to love these hoes, you suppose to hit it and pass it to the left. I didn't love that hoe, it was just something to do. ↗

— Wahida Clark

#humor

To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes calamity of so long life; ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #humor