#p

All men have their frailties; and whoever looks for a friend without imperfections, will never find what he seeks. ↗

— Cyrus the Great

#humor #life #love #philosophy #humor

Everyone is so cynical about the possibility of democracy today. But not me, I’m an idealist: democracy isn’t possible outside my own mind. According to my perceptions, this is a dictatorship. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#democracy #funny #humor #idealism #politics

The difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist laughs to forget but a pessimist forgets to laugh. ↗

— Tom Bodett

#humor

Anticipatory plagiarism occurs when someone steals your original idea and publishes it a hundred years before you were born. ↗

— Robert K. Merton

#plagiarism #humor

Yes, you need a passport to prove to the world that you exist. The people at passport control, they cannot look at you and see you are a person. No! They have to look at a little photograph of you. Then they believe you exist. ↗

— Jeffrey Eugenides

#philosophy #society #humor

JACK Your duty as a gentleman calls you back. ALGERNON My duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #pleasure #humor

One: Don't play leapfrog with elephants. Two: Don't pet a tiger unless his tail is wagging. Three: Never, ever, mess with the Ladies Auxiliary. -Mayberry Rules for a Long, Happy Life ↗

— Lauren Myracle

#humor #life #humor

wouldn't you like to make sure all those millions you give to Uncle Sam went to schools and hospitals instead of nuclear warheads?' As a matter of fact, he would. Playgrounds for big kids, preschool programs to little ones, and mandatory LASIK surgery for NFL refs. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#humor #sports #taxes #humor

Unless you intend to kill him immediately thereafter, never kick a man in the balls. Not even symbolically. Or perhaps especially not symbolically. ↗

— Robert A. Heinlein

#patriarchy #prudence #humor

Is he a scumbag in training?” Richard glanced at the gunman. “At least have the decency to hold the gun properly, you fool. If you don’t know how, pass it to someone who does. I’m not going to suffer being shot at by anything less than a full- fledged lowlife. (Richard) ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#gun #humor #lowlife #scumbag #humor