#quotations

I'm writing a book on Procrastination. I hope to start it tomorrow. I've been thinking about it for almost six years now. ↗

— Ron Moore

#procrastination

Wow,” says Peter, “when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems. ↗

— Adam Selzer

#humorous #humorous-quotations #humor

The truckers are staring," I said after a few seconds. It was true. They were. The whole row of them was doing a bad job of pretending not to look at us. "We just got engaged," Lucy shouted over to them. "I just asked this man to be my wife." The men at the counter traded confused looks. I burst out laughing. "We're glad you and your ass cracks could share this moment with us," she went on. "Seriously. We really are. Those are serious cracks and this is a serious moment. ↗

— Nick Burd

#humor

Eventually my dad got home from work and set his briefcase down. 'So. How was practice?' he asked 'It was good. Why? Did you hear it wasn't?' I said, trying to keep my cool. 'Son, no offense, but you play Little League. It's not the Yankees. I don't get daily reports about who's hitting the shit out of the ball ↗

— Justin Halpern

#keeping-your-cool #humor

Lady Margaret believed in the three D's: Discipline, Desire, and Determination. But as she listened dutifully to her new employer, hiding her yawns and trying to sit up extra straight in her chair, Charity Hill began thinking of all the lovely things that began with S, such as Sleeping Late, Sex, and Shopping. ↗

— Elizabeth Jane Howard

#shopping #love

For the love of mercy, I cannot walk into mediation with a swollen vagina, Cash. Please.” I smile against her thigh, rubbing my scratchy face against the softness of her skin. “Is that what I’m doing?” Innocence—fuck no. I can’t even fake that shit. ↗

— Pella Grace

#romance #love

If laughter is the best medicine, let's OD together. ↗

— Michael P. Clutton

#humor-inspirational #humorous-quotations #humor

Quotations in my work are like wayside robbers who leap out armed and relieve the stroller of his conviction. ↗

— Walter Benjamin

#conviction #his #leap #like #out

Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny-quotes #humor-quotes #inspirational #iving #making-a-difference

A revolution in the eyes of man carries purpose. A revolution in the eyes of the awakened carries bliss. ↗