#quotations

...there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this: "He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#insightful #humor

'Mr. and Mrs. Lowell are not receiving.' What the hell did that mean? 'I'm not throwing a forty-yard pass. I just have a few questions. I think their daughter is in danger.' ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorous-philosophy #humorous-quotations #humor

Oh, adorable, delicious Amelie. If I weren't so completely straight and enamored with cock, I would devour this sweet little tart. ↗

— Ella Dominguez

#humorous-quotations #humor

Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster, ↗

— Steven Pinker

#humor #humorous-quotations #funny

I'll be fine. Maybe I should make up a magic milk bath with the Golden Fruit, huh?" I laughed. Kishan considered and grinned. "A giant bowlful of milk with you in the middle might be a little too much for us cats to resist. ↗

— Colleen Houck

#kishan #milk #humor

Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened? ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorous-philosophy #humorous-quotations #humor

Wow,” says Peter, “when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems. ↗

— Adam Selzer

#humorous #humorous-quotations #humor

For the love of mercy, I cannot walk into mediation with a swollen vagina, Cash. Please.” I smile against her thigh, rubbing my scratchy face against the softness of her skin. “Is that what I’m doing?” Innocence—fuck no. I can’t even fake that shit. ↗

— Pella Grace

#romance #love

A book that furnishes no quotations is no book - it is a plaything. ↗

— Thomas Love Peacock

#furnishes #plaything #quotations