#r

I know I chatter on far too much... but if you only knew how many things I want to say and don't. Give me SOME credit. ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#lm-montgomery #l-m-montgomery

But I'd rather look like you than be pretty," she told Anne sincerely. Anne laughed, sipped honey from the tribute, and cast away the sting. ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#pretty #sting #l-m-montgomery

I doubt you’ve ever been forced to nonstop bang a woman hyped up on the undead voodoo version of Spanish fly, have you?” His chuckle was soft. “Can’t say that I have, Kitten.” “Yeah, well, consider me an original.” This time, when his lips brushed across my skin, it lasted more than a moment. “I always have. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #humorous #love #humor

Look, Laszlo. I'll have the dentist with me, and I don't want to alarm her any more than necessary. So take Vanna out of the backseat and stick her in the trunk." Shanna halted. Her mouth dropped open. Her throat seized up, making it hard to breathe. I don't care how much crap you have in the trunk. We're not driving around with a naked body in the car." Oh no! She gasped for air. He was a hit man. ↗

— Kerrelyn Sparks

#irony #humor

The lustful glances thrown his way made me wish he wasn’t such a damned bowl of eye candy." - Cat re: Bones ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #humor #humor

Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #revenge #humor

I'm not a psychopath, I'm a fully functioning sociopath. Do your research. ↗

— Arthur Conan Doyle

#sherlock-holmes #watson #humor

Let my assure you, Brethren, that some day you will have a personal Priesthood interview with the Savior, Himself. If you are interested, I will tell you the order in which He will ask you to account for your earthly responsibilities. First, He will request an accountability report about your relationship with your wife. Have you actively been engaged in making her happy and ensuring that her needs have been met as an individual? Second, He will want an accountability report about each of your children individually. He will not attempt to have this for simply a family stewardship but will request information about your relationship to each and every child. Third, He will want to know what you personally have done with the talents you were given in the pre-existence. Fourth, He will want a summary of your activity in your church assignments. He will not be necessarily interested in what assignments you have had, for in his eyes the home teacher and a mission president are probably equals, but He will request a summary of how you have been of service to your fellowmen in your Church assignments. Fifth, He will have no interest in how you earned your living, but if you were honest in all your dealings. Sixth, He will ask for an accountability on what you have done to contribute in a positive manner to your community, state, country, and the world. ↗

— David O. McKay

#equality

What matters is that someone—that you—know me that well. When a person can see into your soul, it's hard. It forces you to be open. Vulnerable. It's much easier being with someone who's just more of a casual friend. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#vampire-academy #vampire-academy