#r

You are a sad, sad little man and you have my pity. — Buzz Lightyear ↗

— Cathy East Dubowski

#pity #humor

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#humor

Unrequited love is so boring. Weeping under a blue-black sky is for suckers or maniacs. ↗

— Alice Hoffman

#romance #unrequited-love #humor

- Did you really save the world ?... - Mostly I was saving my own ass. Just happend that the world was in the same spot. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

He smiled. "I suppose I thought we'd have a madly impractical, terrifyingly modern sort of marriage. One based on love. Not to mention dangerous undertakings and hair's-breadth escapes from burning buildings, high ledges and exploding sewers." "And bickering." "Always that, yes." "Assuming I want to marry at all." "True. I know of no good way of forcing you to do anything." "And you're mad enough to think it could work - one day?" He cupped her face in his hands. His smile was so brilliant it seemed to illuminate the room. "I think it would be heaven." She trembled, then. "You have a very strange idea of heaven." "Kiss me and see. ↗

— Y.S. Lee

#love #marriage #romance #humor

Oh, I'm so glad we know what it's called, that's a great help," snarled Ron, leaning back, trying to stop the plant from curling around his neck. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#plant #ron-weasley #humor

When exactly did every housewife in America become a whore? ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#whores #women #humor

Nothing goes so well with a hot fire and buttered crumpets as a wet day without and a good dose of comfortable horrors within. The heavier the lashing of the rain and the ghastlier the details, the better the flavour seems to be. ↗

— Dorothy L. Sayers

#crime #humor #irony #mysteries #humor

I didn't know you had a girlfriend, Griggs." Anson Choi feigns surprise. "What's her name?" "I didn't actually catch her name," Griggs continues. "Lily," Raffaela says over her shoulder and this time I give her a sideways look. "Great to know that I'm in love with a girl with a cool name." "It's Taylor's middle name," Raffaela calls back again. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#melina-marchetta #on-the-jellicoe-road #romance #humor

A man’s greatest treasures are his illusions - Durzo Blint ↗

— Brent Weeks

#fantasy #humor