#raf

gray hair is gods graffiti ↗

— Bill Cosby

#god #graffiti #hair #funny

Does the giraffe know what he's for? Or care? Or even think about his place in things? A giraffe has a black tongue twenty-seven inches long and no vocal cords. A giraffe has nothing to say. He just goes on giraffing. ↗

— Robert Fulghum

#giraffe #funny

Being alive means living fully extended. Like Orafoura’s cousin, who is 2.5 inches tall, but has a five-inch penis. You can’t say that’s average, because how many people do you know whose penis is twice as long as they are? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cousin #funny #living #orafoura #penis

One day Orafoura and I were walking along and I turned and said, "I wish I could capture the weather in a bottle." Without looking at me he said, "You can capture rain in a bottle. Some people call that water. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#orafoura #weather #funny

Serious literature does not exist to make life easy but to complicate it. ↗

— Witold Gombrowicz

#writing-craft-talent #life

Writing is supposed to be difficult, agonizing, a dreadful exercise, a terrible occupation. ↗

— Ray Bradbury

#writing-craft #writing-life #art

Maybe the answer to Selective Service is to start everyone off in the army and draft them for civilian life as needed. ↗

— Bill Vaughan

#army #civilian #draft #everyone #life

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic. ↗

— Terry Prachett

#fast lane #lane #life #oncoming #traffic

Tomorrow I was supposed to have a meeting with a salesperson, who happened to be Orafoura. But something came up, so I called him and said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I have to cancel tomorrow.” To which he replied, “Cancel tomorrow! Who do you think you are, God? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#god #humor #orafoura #sales #funny

Emma this is not a joke. Look at your hands! They're... they're... wrinkled!" "Yes that's because-" "No way. I'm not going down for this. This isn't my fault." "Toraf-" "Galen will find some way to blame me though. He always does. 'You wouldn't have gotten caught if you didn't swim so close to that boat, tadpole.' No it couldn't be the humans fault for fishing in the first place-" "Toraf." "Or how about. 'Maybe if you'd stop trying to kiss my sister, she'd stop bashing your head with a rock.' How does my kissing her have anything to do with her bashing my head with a rock? If you ask me, it's just a result of poor parenting-" "Toraf." "Oh and my favorite: 'If you play with a lionfish, you're going to get pricked.' I wasn't playing with it! I was just helping it swim faster by grabbing its fins-" "TOR-AF." He stops pacing along the water, even seems to remember that I exist. "Yes, Emma? What were you saying? ↗

— Anna Banks

#humor #toraf #humor