#ran

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#granmda-mazur #humor #stephanie-plum #funny

When in doubt, ignore and be horribly unimpressed ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#ignorance

Are you suggesting I’m working with the zombies? That I paid them to pretend to attack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#paranormal-romance #sarcasm #zombie #funny

It’s much easier not to know things sometimes. ↗

— Stephen Chbosky

#ignorance

I'm a widower with three sons and seven grandchildren. One of my sons is my partner on the ranch. ↗

— Wilford Brimley

#i #partner #ranch #seven #sons

Awesome ends with me; but Ugly starts with u... ↗

— Stephan

#random #silly #funny

Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light. ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-quotes #humor #humorous #tags-funny-and-random #funny

A brick could be used as a measurement of time. Yes, just think how stylish you’ll look with a brick duct taped to your wrist!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

I have always loved you, princess" Robin Goodfellow promised, his green eyes shining in the darkness. "I always will. And I'll take whatever you can give me. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#paranormal-romance #puck #love

Depending on your point of view, Ashley (or Leslie Howard) was sensitive, poetic, and enigmatic-- or wan and a wimp. Rhett/Clark Gable was sexy, virile, and funny or just crude and unmannerly. The outcome was a crucial barometer of taste that would reveal a great deal, possibly too much, about a girl's temperament and predilections. ↗

— Molly Haskell

#frankly #gone #my #wind #with