#range

It’s impossible for me to applaud your successes when my hands are too busy patting myself on the back. But if I clap for you, and you pat my back, we can both feel like winners.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bathtub #choir #kinky #music #musical

On the late afternoon streets, everyone hurries along, going about their own business. Who is the person walking in front of you on the rain-drenched sidewalk? He is covered with an umbrella, and all you can see is a dark coat and the shoes striking the puddles. And yet this person is the hero of his own life story. He is the love of someone’s life. And what he can do may change the world. Imagine being him for a moment. And then continue on your own way. ↗

— Vera Nazarian

#anonymous #hero #heroes #life #people

A blanket could be used to communicate with dolphins. Be quiet! I’m trying to talk to the swimming mammals. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to communicate with the dead. I just spoke to Stalin, and he’s very pleased with the way America’s progressing, collectively, as a country.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

One stood behind me and ran her hands down my chest, her breasts rubbing against my back. The next stood in front of me holding onto my shirt and pulling me close to her as she ground into me seductively. The third danced slowly and seductively with the second girl, giving the girl-on-girl effect. I knew I was going to burst at any moment, so I had to close my eyes and take repeated deep breaths to calm down. "What’s the matter Aid-man, you feeling a little frustrated?" Dixon boasted from under his lap dancer. "Shut up Dixon." Though I didn’t really want him to shut up, his teasing was distracting me pretty well. "I’m going to kill you for this." "Oh no little man!" He laughed loudly. "Thank your future wife! That one is on her!" he howled. ↗

— Sadie Grubor

#sadie-grubor #save-the-date #dating

Are you planning to follow a career in Magical Law, Miss Granger?” asked Scrimgeour. “No, I’m not,” retorted Hermione. “I’m hoping to do some good in the world! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#hermione-granger #law #ministry-of-magic #death

I was determined to get it right on the pitch. Then, if I had to leave at the end of the season, so be it. I never felt threatened or isolated by the arrangement. We worked together and it worked out. ↗

— Bryan Robson

#determined #end #felt #get #had

You may grow very quickly the first two years and then watch the business decline, unless you really start selling product at any price range with various degrees of quality. ↗

— Narciso Rodriguez

#business #decline #degrees #first #grow

The dynamic range of a digital camera is not that much greater than film, particularly if you push the ASA a little bit. ↗

— Gary Ross

#camera #digital #dynamic #film #greater