#s

Could it be? Samantha Kingston? Home? On a Friday?” I roll my eyes. “I don’t know. Did you do a lot of acid in the sixties? Could be a flashback.” “I was two years old in 1960. I came too late for the party.” He leans down and pecks me on the head. I pull away out of habit. “And I’m not even going to ask how you know about acid flashbacks.” “What’s an acid flashback?” Izzy crows. “Nothing,” my dad and I say at the same time, and he smiles at me. ↗

— Lauren Oliver

#humorous #parents-and-children #humor

When I write after dark", observed Cyril Connolly, "the shades of evening scatter their purple through my prose ↗

— Anne Fadiman

#essays #humor #night #humor

The past haunts the present in more ways than we think. It certainly scares the living daylights out of ME"~ Old Wrinkly ↗

— Cressida Cowell

#humor #past #humor

Nancy Herman, my new gym partner and locker neighbor, puts her hand on my shoulder and whispers, "Don't worry April. I have foot fungus too. ↗

— Amy Holder

#humor

They can afford to smile because they all have teeth so dazzling if they dropped them in the snow they'd be lost forever. ↗

— Frank McCourt

#humor

Sleepwalking is the perfect exorcise for lazy people ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#humor #humour #life #philosophy #sports

Deep spirit scanning,” Eisfanger says. His voice has a strange resonance to it, like I’m hearing him through a bad phone connection. “Don’t worry, it’s completely safe. Well, mostly.” “Mostly?” “Side effects have been documented,” he admits. “In a very small percentage of cases. Less than two percent.” “What kind of side effects?” Suddenly I’m feeling nauseous. Feels like the ants are crawling around inside me now, which is exactly as disturbing as it sounds. “Memory loss. Synesthesia. And occasionally … vestigial growths.” “So I could forget my own name, start smelling purple everywhere and have an extra nipple sprout from my forehead? ↗

— D.D. Barant

#memory-loss #nipple #side-effects #synesthesia #humor

So planning something big." "If this is the work of the Overtakers, we've never seen anything like it." "It is," a voice said behind them. Maybeck slipped in alongside of them. "You about scared the pee out of me!" Charlene complained. ↗

— Ridley Pearson

#disney #humor #kigdom-keepers #pee #humor

Too many OB/GYN’s aren’t able to practice their love with women all across the country. ↗

— George W. Bush

#humor #lesbian-doctor #love #obgyn #humor

It is what it is. You are what you it. There are no mistakes." --Villa Incognito ↗

— Tom Robbins

#humor