#sarcasm

Come on, there's no one there. You want coffee?" Tess asked. "Yeah, sure, why not? I'm only on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I don't imagine why caffeine wouldn't help this situation. ↗

— Frankie Rose

#sarcasm #humor

I sighed and deleted the message, imagining the dirty clothes multiplying like rabbits, because that’s what they do when I’m not around. ↗

— Alex Owens

#motherhood #sarcasm #imagination

So what were your favorite subjects in school?" "School?" He leaned back in his chair as though he needed the extra space to think about it. "Probably math. It always made sense. Unlike English, economics, and girls." "And exactly how do you plan on taking over the free world if you don't understand economics?" "I'll hire advisers. I'll hire you, in fact." "Okay. Let me know when your army of junior high zombies is ready. ↗

— Janette Rallison

#math #sarcasm #life

Edna restored the toffee to the centre of her tongue and sucking pleasurably, resumed her typing of Naked Love by Armand Levine. Its painstaking eroticism left her uninterested--as indeed it did most of Mr. Levine's readers, in spite of his efforts. He was a notable example of the fact that nothing can be duller than dull pornography. ↗

— Agatha Christie

#humour #pornography #sarcasm #love

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Was she on some sort of Candid Camera version of This is Your Sucky Love Life? ↗

— Nicki Elson

#love #romance #sarcasm #love

Yeah, and we could fly in on dragons and release a cloud of sugar plum fairies to tiptoe in an get the watch. ↗

— Mora Early

#sarcasm #sibling-relationships #relationship

I am a story teller. If I wanted to send a message I would have written a sermon. ↗

— Philip Pullman

#writing #story

Don't stop there. I suppose there are also, what, vampires and werewolves and zombies?" "Of course there are. Although you mostly find zombies farther south, where the voudun priests are." "What about mummies? Do they only hang around Egypt?" "Don't be ridiculous. No one believes in mummies. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-wayland #joke #mummies #sarcasm #vampire

A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said. "Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel." "Easy mistake to make," Jem said. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#mistakes

Give me a few minutes.” “You have time.” He sat in the grass. “Are you just going to sit there and watch me?” “Yes. Watching pretty peasant girls is what we poor little rich boys do best.” “Peasant?” He shrugged. “You started the name calling. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#flirting #sarcasm #rich