#sarcasm

All right,” she said a little sarcastically. “I was going to assume you liked eating babies and sacrificing virgins, but I might as well ask, what do you do for fun?” “I languish in sin,” I replied in the same tone. “I take my babies rare, and my virgins over easy. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#dark #humor #michael #sarcasm #humor

Young people, nowadays, imagine that money is everything. Yes, murmured Lord Henry, settling his button-hole in his coat; and when they grow older they know it. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#imagine #know #money #old #sarcasm

Gotta have my make up, in case I run into Joey and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Gotta look my best! Maybe he'll punch me repeatedly in the kidneys and the stomach so it doesn't mark up my face. He's so thoughtful! ↗

— George Carlin

#sarcasm #humor

Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper, twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#cheerfulness #humor #merriment #optimism #pleasantness

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' Yeah, well, whoever wrote that was a friggin' idiot. ↗

— Marley Gibson

#sarcasm #humor

الأدباء ينتحرون دائما في النهاية. رجال التحريات يعرفون هذا. لكنهم كذلك يعرفون أن الأدباء لا يبذلون جهدا في إخفاء جثثهم بعد الإنتحار. إنهم مهملون ويتركون جثثهم بأمخاخهاالمتفجرة وشرايينها المقطوعة في أي مكان، كأن باقي البشر خدمٌ لهم. إنهم مغرورون كذلك. ↗

— أحمد خالد توفيق

#sarcasm #humor

How many kids are in the Graveyard?" "A bunch." "Who sends your supplies?" "George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget." "How often do you receive new arrivals?" "About as often as you beat your wife. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#humorous #risa-ward #sarcasm #sarcastic #snark

I’m not bipolar, I’ve just had a bipolar life foisted upon me. ↗

— Daniel O'Malley

#humor #sarcasm #scifi #humor

What are American dry-goods? asked the duchess, raising her large hands in wonder and accentuating the verb. American novels, answered Lord Henry. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#bad-reviews #books #humor #literary-criticism #novels

I'm pretty sure those're my balls you've found,” I said to the man searching my pants. “You gonna count 'em out now? Because I'll save you the trouble. There's two. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#humor #michael #sarcasm #humor