#sarcasm

You might as well laugh at yourself, everyone else is. ↗

— B.J. Neblett

#irony #laughter #sarcasm #satirical #humor

And I know I'm sarcastic and defensive and I make a joke out of everything and am highly resistant to anything that reeks of sentimental corniness, but I'm giving you my heart anyway because being with you feels like home, and I know you won't break it. ↗

— Shauna Cross

#love #sarcasm #whip-it #love

I've given her signs! I've given her plenty of signs. What does she want me to do? Slap him across the face with my glove, and challenge him to pistols at dawn? ↗

— Molly Ringle

#fights #humor #love #sarcasm #love

Oh, for the love of God. There is no agent more agent than you. I swear you have pin-striped ties encrypted into your DNA. When you die, the coffin is going to read Property of the FBI. ↗

— Lisa Gardner

#humor #sarcasm #love

In 1803, President Jefferson oversaw the purchase of this land from the French for $15 million. It doesn't sound like much for an area three times the size of France itself but given that they'd stolen it from the Native Americans in the first place, I suppose they couldn't grumble. Once some debts had been wiped and estate agents had taken their commission, Napoleon's France ended up pocketing a little more than $8 million. Which is about how much it cost Pepsi Cola to secure the services of Britney Spears. Times have changed. ↗

— Dave Gorman

#humor #sarcasm #change

I was planning to end this phase after a few weeks, but after one particular meeting, the lead advisor asked me not to come back. She said she'd noticed that every time I was asked to give a suggestion about an ex-husband to a grieving divorcee, I always said, "You should have him murdered. ↗

— Whitney Gracia Williams

#sarcasm #love

Your quick ‘no’ is because I refused to say ‘yes’ to sex. They say men think with their dicks. I hope you do not run Easton with your— ↗

— Avery Aster

#erotica-romance #sarcasm-humor #men

You can't drive them around in the getaway van.' 'How about we don't call it the getaway van? People might get suspicious.' 'So what should we call it?' 'How about the van?' 'It doesn't change what it is and that it's a shitty thing to do. Someone might see them in it. ↗

— Cath Crowley

#sarcasm #change

...Though drowned was just as dead as any other way of dying. ↗

— Mercedes Lackey

#sadistic #sarcasm #humor

Reality Sucks, I want my dreams back. ↗

— Sandra Chami Kassis

#dreams #funny #future #inspirational-quotes #life