#sarcasm

He paused at the bedroom door, shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and walked right out like it was any other morning, and he and Jack would be having breakfast as if they hadn't had sex the night before. "Morning," he said, casting a quick glance over his shoulder. "Mmm," D grunted. "You done in the bathroom?" D blinked. No, I jus' took a little breather in the middle a my mornin' beauty ritual ta come out here 'n' chat with ya. A course I'm done. ↗

— Jane Seville

#jane-seville #sarcasm #beauty

I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#sarcasm #beauty

Why were you lurking under our window?" "Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?" "Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice. His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage. "Listening to the news! Again?" "Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #news #sarcasm #change

I don’t get you people. You watch the Godfather on television and tons of people are getting shot and stabbed to death, blood splattering everywhere and it is entertaining. But, when they killed a horse, people were outraged. ↗

— Mario Stinger

#irony #killing #sarcasm #violence #death

I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death". ↗

— Tim Minchin

#grumpiness #humor #relativism #sarcasm #spirituality

Chapter Eighteen: You’re supposed to pinch yourself – not the one you’re dreaming about. ↗

— Nicki Elson

#romance #sarcasm #dreams

Eragon went to see the dragon for the first time since it had spoken to him. He approached apprehensively, aware now that it was an equal. "Eragon." "Is that all you can say?" he snapped. "Yes." His eyes widened at the unexpected reply, and he sat down roughly. Now it has a sense of humor. What next? ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#dragon #eragon #saphira #sarcasm #talk

If then, Moses so distinctly announces that there is in us not only a faculty, but also a facility for keeping all commandments, why are we sweating so much? ... What need is there now of Christ or of Spirit? We have found a passage that asserts freedom of choice, but also distinctly teaches that the keeping of the commandments is easy. ↗

— Martin Luther

#freedom

Who cares even if I didn't?!" Conor shouted back. "They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!" The monster looked at him quizzically. How strange, it said. The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seems to suggest otherwise. ↗

— Patrick Ness

#funny #humor #monster #sarcasm #funny

What are you doing here, anyway?" "'Here' as in your bedroom or 'here' as in the great spiritual question of our purpose here on this planet? If you're asking whether it's all just a cosmic coincidence or there's a greater metaethical purpose to life, well, that's a puzzler for the ages. I mean, simple ontological reductionism is clearly a fallacious argument, but—" "I'm going back to bed." Clary reached for the doorknob. He slid nimbly between her and the door. "I'm here," he said, "because Hodge reminded me it was your birthday. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-wayland #ontology #philosophy-of-life #sarcasm #age