#sex

Forceful little thing, aren’t you?” “You have no idea. So we doing this or not?” Those lush lips twitched. “Let me get this straight. We’re going to the bathroom, and I’m going to fuck you, and you don’t even care to know my name?” “I’d actually prefer it if you’d keep your stupid mouth closed.” Oops. Her hatred was slipping out. “Well, well. You might just be my soul mate. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#first-meetings #galen #hatesex #humor #legion

Not only can I teach you math, I can teach you math in bed, Jordan. You know, I'll add the bed, you subtract the clothes, you divide the legs, and I'll multiply ↗

— Miranda Kenneally

#sex #humor

Giving a reader a sex scene that is only half right is like giving her half of a kitten. It is not half as cute as a whole kitten; it is a bloody, godawful mess. ↗

— Howard Mittelmark

#on-writing #sex #humor

Come make me sticky. Dimitri to Honor ↗

— Nalini Singh

#sexy #sexy-humor #humor

I wish," I said. "I could save orgasms in a jar for when I need them, because I think I have a few extra. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#jars #orgasm-orgasms #sex #wish #humor

Maybe he likes the look of Mae," Nick drawled. "Don't be ridiculous." Nick raised his eyebrows. "Does he like the look of Jamie? ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#sexuality #humor

Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values. ↗

— Mark Twain

#imagination

She suggested we 'crouch' buck nekkid on the bed or a dresser and leap out at him from the shadows. Now, my husband can't see all that well in the dark. I think if he comes into a darkened bedroom and finds 140 pounds of cellulite hurtling through space at him, he's going to run like the devil. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#marriage #sex #humor

You never want to look in a mirror," Lula said. "Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the deed and they see Rex the Wonder Horse. Women look at themselves and think they need to renew their membership at the gym. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor #mirror #sex #humor

One slice of key lime pie. Two forks.' I felt Todd’s hand on my arm. 'You’ll thank me later.' No doubt I would. ↗

— Ophelia London

#sexy-humor #humor