#sm

...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny... Do you have anything to say to that?' Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it. I don't say it out loud, of course, because Jerry Lewis is a great philanthropist, Hitchens is very sick, and the third guy I made up. ↗

— Tina Fey

#feminism #humor #women #funny

One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#sarcasm #humor

God save me from idealists. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#idealism #thomas-raith #humor

Someday you'll remember what I said and you'll thank me for it." Francie wished adults would stop telling her that. Already the load of thanks in the future was weighing her down. She figured she'd have to spend the best years of her womanhood hunting up people to tell them that they were right and to thank them. ↗

— Betty Smith

#betty-smith #humor #thanks #humor

the instant he knew he loved her, she slipped down his body and out of his arms ↗

— Don DeLillo

#eric-packer #love

If I can’t see the bottom, I don’t know how much is left. Why does my love have to be so thick? I suppose because it keeps the engine of your heart running smooth.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#engine #heart #love #oil #run

I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully. ↗

— George W. Bush

#dumb #fish #gaffe #george-bush #human

Don't call a woman a bitch. Call her an ass-hole. It still gets your point across and it's not sexist. ↗

— Eleanor Roosevelt

#sexism #vocabulary #humor

Look, Sage. I don't know much about chemistry or computer hacking or photosynthery, but this is something I've got a lot of experience with." I think he mean photosynthesis, but I didn't correct him. "Use my knowledge. Don't let it go to waste. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #smart #sydney-sage #experience

A karaoke bar?" Mitch glared at him. "You dragged us to a karaoke bar?" "She didn't tell me it was karaoke." "You know it's bad enough having to listen to you guys howl all the time. But this...this may be asking too much. Dogs. Singing." Mitch turned to the bar and lashed Smitty with another glare. "And no goddamn liquor. You know, as per shifter law, I could legally kill you. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#mitch #smitty #humor