#t

Now listen, we need to be quiet as mice. No, quieter than that. As quiet as...as..." "Dead mice?" Reynie suggested. "Perfect," said Kate with an approving nod. "As quiet as dead mice. ↗

— Trenton Lee Stewart

#funny #mice #silence #sneaking #funny

If you don't want me to be in love with you, you're going to have looking so lovely. First thing tomorrow, I'm having your maids sewing potato sacks to gether for you. ↗

— Kiera Cass

#maxon #most-adorably-sweet-quotes-ever #funny

I want to have breasts the size of Florida, so that people might see me at Ponte Vedra beach and gasp, “Look at the size of his Naples! ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#florida #funny #naples #ponte-vedra #funny

The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A Genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. ↗

— Joe Theismann

#stupid #wow #funny

He didn't want me to get hurt? Wow. Just wow. I might actually be close to a swoon here ↗

— Jessica Verday

#funny #jessica-verday #the-hollow #funny

My heart started racing, not the bad kind of heart racing, like I'm going to die. But the good kind of heart racing, like, Hello, can I help you with something? If not, please step aside because I'm about to kick the shit out of life. ↗

— Maria Semple

#fiction #funny #humor #funny

Next to coming to a good understanding with a new mistress, I love a quarrel with an old one. ↗

— George Etherege

#good #i #i love #love #mistress

Lief. That's not nice, considering all your sister has done for you," admonished Perl. "Oh right. How could I forget that she made me bait for a snake, left me on house arrest in Ixia, and smuggled me into the Keep in a coffin. ↗

— Maria V. Snyder

#funny #lief #funny

It's sick and twisted and violent. Other than that it is totally G rated. ↗

— Elizabeth Cruickshank

#funny #oxymoron #sick #twisted #vioolence

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday ↗

— Don Marquis

#procrastination #art