#t

WHY did she do this? She was a terrible drunk texter. All the things she wanted to say to people during the day came out at night, like a vampire. ↗

— Harriet Evans

#drunken-behaviour #funny #texting #funny

It's just so sad what we're willing to do for the Joey Spinellis of the world, you know? The mutilating, the tweezing, the enhancing, the plumping, the pinching, the waxing, the starving, the sweating, the bleaching. And for what? So you can wake up next to THAT in thirty years? What are we thinking?? ↗

— Yvonne Prinz

#true #women #funny

I don’t like to brag or frighten, but I’ve got a black belt. And a brown one, which I sometimes wear with black slacks. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #karate #funny

The hotness of a sex scene lies in the loins of the beholder. ↗

— J.Leigh Hunter

#erotica-romance #humor #romance-funny #romance-novels #sex

...never touching, never talking, just smiling and keeping our eyes locked. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#funny

There is much to discover that's not on the back cover! ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#back-covers #book #book-cover #book-cover-quotes #book-covers

I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cops #funny #humor #mustache #police

I want to broadcast your poem to me over the radio so everyone will know we love each other just as deeply as the people in pop songs. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #poetry #pop-songs #radio #funny

I can't afford my principles. I borrow them from unimpeachable people and return them to undependable people. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #morality #principles #funny

I am a foreigner, but I like to hide the fact. I'd rather people be prejudiced against my personality. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #personality #prejudice #racism