#t

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. ↗

— Steven Wright

#about #dictionary #everything #i #poem

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add. ↗

— Steven Wright

#got #i #know #now #powdered

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out. ↗

— Steven Wright

#call #car #home #i #leave

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen. ↗

— Steven Wright

#grow #happen #how #i #i wonder

You can't have everything. Where would you put it? ↗

— Steven Wright

#put #where #would #you

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. ↗

— Steven Wright

#brings #i #i think #many #memories

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.' ↗

— Steven Wright

#down #front #got #grocery #guy

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' ↗

— Steven Wright

#asked #did #few #girlfriend #good

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? ↗

— Steven Wright

#george #george washington #id #just #out

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? ↗

— Steven Wright

#how #know #misspelled #were #word