#t

You might want to put some clothes on' suggested Jace 'I'm all for the bra and panties look, but you don't want the Silent Brothers to die of excitement ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-wayland #modesty #humor

Can you enter a house uninvited?" "No." "Why?" "That would be rude. ↗

— Abigail Gibbs

#humor #sarcasm #vampire-mythology #violet #humor

Greed (as Ling): You humans always get all "holier-than-thou" when it comes to this stuff... I really don't get you. Edward: It's called having integrity. You should try it sometime ↗

— Hiromu Arakawa

#edward-elric #fullmetal #humor #integrity #ling

There are some dogs which, when you meet them, remind you that, despite thousands of years of man-made evolution, every dog is still only two meals away from being a wolf. These dogs advance deliberately, purposefully, the wilderness made flesh, their teeth yellow, their breath a-stink, while in the distance their owners witter, "He's an old soppy really, just poke him if he's a nuisance," and in the green of their eyes the red campfires of the Pleistocene gleam and flicker. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor #terror #humor

Marcus: Cherry? Jillian: My ten-year-old niece. Marcus: She's named after a piece of fruit? Jillian nodded. Jillian: So is her twin sister, Apple. Marcus: You're kidding me. Jillian: Unfortunately, I'm serious. Their father is fond of fruit pies and thought it would be cute. Marcus: And their mother didn't protest? Jillian: She thinks Steven's cute, so she gives him whatever he wants. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#gena-showalter #humor #humor

So, that's it? You think I'm just some idiot that fell for your bullshit! Well you're wrong! I fell in love with you, Caleb. I fell in love with your sick sense of humor. I fell in love with the way you protected me. You saved my life!" - Livvie/Kitten ↗

— C.J. Roberts

#livvie #humor

It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #music #humor

I dropped my voice and stared into her eyes. I could tell she was trying hard not to look away. I was so furious I could have cheerfully ripped her head off. "But you're going to find out, Mom,' I said very softly."And it's gonna give you nightmares for the rest of your wasted life." Oh, my God, I was so badass. It was all I could do to not give a MWA HA HA! ↗

— James Patterson

#threats #humor

I paused with the pen in my hand. "He burst into flames?" "He became engulfed in fire." "Was his buddy made out of orange rocks and at any point yell, 'It's clobbering time'? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ilona-andrews #kate #magic-bleeds #ilona-andrews

Cats don't need to be possessed; they're evil on their own. ↗

— Peter Kreeft

#humor #philosophy #humor