#t

The Packers have lots of owners nobody knows instead of one owner who doesn't know squat. ↗

— Jim McMahon

#know #knows #lots #nobody #owner

But I don't care what Megan Fox or Jessica Biel say: There are definite advantages to being the hottest girl on the planet. Number one was that I got paid for it. A lot. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#popularity #sex-appeal #humor

I did several interesting jobs, working in restaurants, I worked at a lab rat farm, feeding and watering all these rats. Then I got a full-time job as a technical writer for a large scientific research laboratory. ↗

— Kevin J. Anderson

#farm #feeding #full-time #full-time job #got

I've got daughters. Nine years old and six years old. First of all, I'm gonna teach them about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them PUNISHED with a baby. ↗

— Barack Obama

#politics #humor

Jack," said Charles, "he's making up words again." "Yes," Jack replied, "but he's getting better at it, don't you think? ↗

— James A. Owen

#humor #humor

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#kids #observational-comedy #humor

We Slytherins are brave, yes, but not stupid. For instance, given the choice, we will always choose to save our own necks. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#slytherin #humor

Sarcasm is when you tell someone the truth by lying on purpose. ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#humor #lies #lying #sarcasm #truth

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #writing #funny

A cat is there if you call her- if she doesn't have anything better to do. ↗

— Bill Adler

#humor #humor