#tin

They call me, The Sharkalator ↗

— James Patterson

#funny #gazzy #maximum-ride #name-calling #nicknames

A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would melt chocolate—even if it is wearing an astronaut suit made out of tinfoil.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#chocolate #funny #humor #kiss #melt

I want to write a book about shoes that’s full of footnotes. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #shoes #write #writing-a-book #funny

Lucas: I wanted to talk to you after class, but you disappeared. Me: I have another class right after. One of those profs who stops talking, stares at you and waits until you get to your seat if you're late. Lucas: I would probably just walk to my seat even slower. ;) ↗

— Tammara Webber

#texting #funny

Normal? I'm not normal enough for you?" Carlos says. "You want this guy instead? Did you notice his hair doesn't move? That's not normal. You want to date him again, go ahead. Hell, if you want to marry him and be Kiara Barra the rest of your life, be my guest." "That's not want I--" "I don't want to hear it. Hasta," Carlos says, ignoring me and walking away. I feel my face heat in embarrassment as I look at Michael. "Sorry. Carlos can he abrasive sometimes." "Don't apologize. The guy obviously has major issues and, for the record, my hair moves... when I want it to. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#rules-of-attraction #dating

Meanwhile, politics is about getting a candidate in front of the public as a star, politics as rock'n'roll, politics as a movie. ↗

— Joe Eszterhas

#candidate #front #getting #meanwhile #movie

I’ve always loved you,” he said, his eyes a blue that was almost violet. “You know this.” She swallowed a lump in her throat. “I only wonder whether I deserve such devotion.” “Sometimes people fall in love with those who do not return the same strength of feelings. It is as it is,” he said with a quiet intensity. “What I give, I give freely. You owe me nothing, not love, not friendship, not even obligation. ↗

— Sherry Thomas

#sherry-thomas #tempting-the-bride #unrequited-love #friendship

There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#editing #funny #people #typo #world

I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cigarette #everlasting #funny #humor #immortality

Actors in any capacity, artists of any stripe, are inspired by their curiosity, by their desire to explore all quarters of life, in light and in dark, and reflect what they find in their work. Artists instinctively want to reflect humanity, their own and each other's, in all its intermittent virtue and vitality, frailty and fallibility. ↗

— Tom Hiddleston

#art #humanity #truth #art