#toilet

My dad used to flush my mother's head down the toilet. I was so screwed up. ↗

— Jessica Hahn

#down #flush #head #i #mother

Well, I've thought many times when my career was in the toilet, that I was going to have to seriously consider getting another job, I don't know what I'd do. ↗

— Aaron Eckhart

#career #consider #getting #going #i

Most people in America want an easy read. I call it McFiction - books which pass right through you without you even digesting them. I don't mean a book that has two-syllable words. I mean chapters you can read in a toilet break. Happy endings. We are more of a TV culture. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#book #books #break #call #chapters

Well, I don't use the toilet much to pee in. I almost always pee in the yard or the garden, because I like to pee on my estate. ↗

— Iggy Pop

#always #because #estate #garden #i

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet. ↗

— Alan King

#fifteen #last #live #longer #spend

Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn't do any worse. ↗

— Howard Stern

#bowl #build #every #every time #go

We were called The Toilets originally - we were flushed with success. ↗

— Mike Peters

#flushed #originally #success #toilets #were

The tiny space, the toilet, two hundred strangers just a few inches away, it's so exciting, the lack of room to maneuver, it helps if you're double-jointed. Use your imagination. Some creativity and a few simple stretching exercises and you can be knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door. You'll be amazed how time flies. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humorous #sex #humor

As he flushed, an unexpected realization hit him. This is the Pope's toilet, he thought. I just took a leak in the Pope's toilet. He had to chuckle. The Holy Throne. ↗

— Dan Brown

#dan-brown #funny #humor #robert-langdon #toilet

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor #toilet-tissue #humor