#toilet

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet. ↗

— Alan King

#fifteen #last #live #longer #spend

The tiny space, the toilet, two hundred strangers just a few inches away, it's so exciting, the lack of room to maneuver, it helps if you're double-jointed. Use your imagination. Some creativity and a few simple stretching exercises and you can be knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door. You'll be amazed how time flies. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humorous #sex #humor

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#consistently #fall #get #go #leave

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. ↗

— Rod Serling

#both #dancing #difficult #documentary #every

I'm cleaning toilets for $30 a day, because I needed that $30, and people are pointing at me, saying, Look at the big movie star. Look where he is now. I just said, I'm where God put me. ↗

— Willie Aames

#big #big movie #cleaning #day #god

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money. ↗

— Joey Bishop

#cash register #find #gas #gas station #go

I want to write a poem about "Truth," "Honor," "Dignity," and whether the toilet paper should roll over or under when you pull on it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#honor #life #poem #toilet-paper #truth

Writers often have the cleanest windows, floors, fridges and toilets, the most up-to-date filing system or the best record for returning calls or e-mails because, in the moment, just about any task seems more palatable than sitting down to write.” (p.136) ↗

— Mark David Gerson

#filing #floors #fridges #returning-calls #toilets

The chili I ate made for an explosive bathroom experience. I don't know how to put this delicately, but I missed the toilet entirely. ↗

— Seth Green

#experience

No, thanks," said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #toilet #humor