#u

Aiden already knew he should say his last prayers now. Lex was going to kill him. Slowly. *** She was going to kill him. Slowly. Lex sat on the sidelines watching the last game of the night. She hated sitting out, but she had to take her turn. ↗

— Camy Tang

#sushi-for-one #humor

Nathan always believed his wife was trying to poison him but he didn't seem to mind. He said it made life kind of exciting. ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#humor #l-m-montomery #humor

You stand out more than Victoria Beckham would in the local Primark! ↗

— Chris Ryan

#humor

...passive voice is better than writing out a humongous number and taking the risk that your readers' brains will be numb by the time they get to the verb. ↗

— Mignon Fogarty

#numbers #passive-voice #writing #humor

Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so. - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor

...indeed, with the Radletts, you never could tell. Why, for instance, would Victoria bellow like a bull and half kill Jassy whenever Jassy said, in a certain tone of voice, pointing her finger with a certain look, "Fancy?" I think they hardly knew why, themselves. ↗

— Nancy Mitford

#humor #nonsense #humor

Gallows humor is part of having a doctor in the house. Deal with it. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor #lover-enshrined #medicine #humor

I sit up straighter and puff out my chest a little bit, unsure why I'm doing so even as I do it. I know when I speak I'll have dropped my voice an octave to make myself seem more manly, and when I shake he hand, my grip will be tight and strong. Stupid, I know, but I'm a guy. It's what we do. ↗

— T.J. Klune

#humor #humor

And you, Mary, if you must run off to London, why do it in that unfinished manner, so that I was left without the car, and couldn't catch anything until the midnight train at Northallerton? It's so much better to do things neatly and properly, even stupid things. ↗

— Dorothy L. Sayers

#lord-peter-wimsey #humor

Because this is another thing your average American man in crisis does: he tries to go home, forgetting, momentarily, that he is the reason he left home in the first place, that the home is not his anymore, and that the crisis is him. ↗

— Brock Clarke

#philosophy #humor