#um

I'm what is known as perimenopausal. "Peri", some of you may know, is a Latin prefix meaning 'SHUT YOUR FLIPPIN' PIE HOLE". ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#menopause #humor

How many kids are in the Graveyard?" "A bunch." "Who sends your supplies?" "George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget." "How often do you receive new arrivals?" "About as often as you beat your wife. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#humorous #risa-ward #sarcasm #sarcastic #snark

There is a huge trust. I see it all the time when people come up to me and say, 'I don't want you to let me down again.' - Boston, Mass., Oct. 3, 2000 ↗

— George W. Bush

#humor #trust #humor

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. ↗

— Dennis Wholey

#humor

Trains are great dirty smoky things," said Will. "You won't like it." Tessa was unmoved. "I won't know if I like it until I try it, will I?" "I've never swam naked in the Thames, but I know I wouldn't like it. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#tessa-gray #will-herondale #humor

His thoughts inhabit a different plane from those of ordinary men; the simplest interpretation of that is to call him crazy. ↗

— Juliet Marillier

#differences #humor #individuality #humor

NEVER INTERFERE WITH MELENGAR AGAIN BY ORDER OF THE KING … AND US ↗

— Michael J. Sullivan

#humor #humor

Being trapped thus is incredibly frustrating for me, and occasionally I take it out on others. Again, I apologize. Now, if you’d like, I can help you with what you’re seeking.” Knowing I’d probably regret it, I crossed the room and yanked the canvas off the mirror. As before, he was sitting on the table, smirking at me. “Jackass, jackass on the wall, where’s the info on Hex Hall? ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#humor #sophie-mercer #spell-bound #humor

Nobody with any real sense of humor *can* write a love story. . . . Shakespeare is the exception that proves the rule. (90-91) ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#love-story #romance #shakespeare #writing #humor

Remember I told you I’ve taken a vow of chastity. You understand what that means, right? Yeah,” he said. “You’re very generous. I think that’s cool.” I didn’t quite get his answer, but I didn’t want to prolong the conversation. [...] That’s when it dawned on me what Greg had meant. [...] Um, that’s charity, Greg, not chastity. He is so not the right guy for me.(137-138) ↗

— Robin Brande

#romance #humor