#um

You look about as trapped as a piglet at a baby back ribs cookoff. ↗

— Colleen Houck

#humor

Here is another marvy glimpse into the gothic basement that I call my mind. ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #irony #language #humor

In our world, I rank music somewhere between hair ribbons and rainbows in terms of usefulness. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#music #rainbow #humor

It is proved by surveys that happiness does not come from love, wealth, or power but the pursuit of attainable goals. ↗

— Helen Fielding

#humor

The door buzzer sounded again. The two boys exchanged a single look before both bolting down the narrow hallway to the door. Jordan got there first. He grabbed for the coatrack that stood by the door, ripped the coats off it, and flung the door wide, the rack held aboe his head like a javelin. On the other side of the door was Jace. He blinked. "Is that a coatrack?" Jordan slammed the coatrack down on the ground and sighed. "If you'd been a vampire, this would have been a lot more useful." "Yes," said Jace. "Or, you know, just someone with a lot of coats. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-fallen-angels #coatrack #coats #funny #humor

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#humor #funny

I really loathe [the bumper sticker] 'Proud Parent of a Terrific Kid!' Why not a bumper sticker for the unlucky parents, something like: 'My Fifteen-Year-Old's in Detox and Not Speaking to Any of Us' or 'My Kid Robbed a 7-Eleven and is in a Center for Youthful Offenders. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#humor #humor

Ash paused as he entered the house to find the three women lined up and... singing to... dear gods, anything but this. "Fergilicious." All he needed was for Simi to be here and off-key with them since it was her favorite song and he'd spent the better part of the last year cursing whoever was dumb enough to introduce that song to a hormonal teenaged demon. Worst part? Simi wanted him to call her Similicious. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor #simi #humor

Is your inner vampire different from your... outer vampire? Deffinitely. He wants me to wear midriff-baring shirts and a fedora. I'm fighting it. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #simon-lewis #humor