#um

When in doubt, ignore and be horribly unimpressed ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#ignorance

I want to wear baby halos as hospital bracelets to protest abortion. I'll tell my doctor I don't need any treatment - I was born a survivor. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious! ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #funny

I suddenly realize that I'm naked, which shouldn't bother me since it's the phone, but for some reason it does. "How's it hanging?" Kyra asks and now I think I'm blushing. It's just an expression, but jeez! ↗

— Barry Lyga

#humour #nudity #self-consciousness #funny

He giggled like a puppy being tickled by a kitten wearing a duckling costume. ↗

— Jim Benton

#cute #duckling #funny #kitten #laugh

Willpower subverts passion. Bureaucracy subverts willpower. Idiocy subverts bureaucracy. ↗

— Bauvard

#desire #funny #humor #idiots #willpower

It's funny how things work out sometimes. ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#funny

Give up your dreams; you'll accomplish more without sleep. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #goals #humor #dreams

I won't consider getting horizontal with someone I can barely tolerate when we're vertical. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#sex-humour #funny

I prefer a huge tome to a sharp epigram: only blunt words can hurt dull people ↗

— Bauvard

#epigrams #funny #humor #funny