#w

Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#arnold #arnold schwarzenegger #bad #california #calling

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework. ↗

— Bill Cosby

#education #given #good #good idea #homework

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. ↗

— Bill Cosby

#everybody #failure #i #key #key to success

Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#early #egg #timer #timing #were

Every comedian dreams of hosting 'The Tonight Show' and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#did #dreams #every #got #hosting

I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#cynicism #favorite #hate #i #lead

In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. That's right, the President said, this is a quote, the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and whatever it is I have. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#alzheimer #backed #brain #bush #cell

In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#cleveland #fit #forward #however #legislation

In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#chances #changed #elections #five #had

It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#born #century #economy #good #good thing