#wi

A technicality I'm prepared to hide wildly behind. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#witty

Baby, I want you to know that…even though my other secretaries were in that video with us, it won’t be like that in the future. No more girl-on-girl action. I know an open-minded guy who lives down the hall. We’ll keep it strictly a couples affair, with some occasional swapping. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#porno #swinging #funny

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife. ↗

— E.W. Howe

#husband #man #marriage #men #wife

In the old legends, Arachne had gotten into trouble because of pride. She’d bragged about her tapestries being better than Athena’s, which had led to Mount Olympus’s first reality TV punishment program: 'So You Think You Can Weave Better Than a Goddess?' Arachne had lost in a big way. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#athena #funny #humor #lol #wicked

Bryan helped me up.  "How can you be so good one minute then clumsy the next?" I shrugged.  "I've never been very athletic.  Not unless you count fencing." "You made fences? ↗

— John Corwin

#funny #john-corwin #stupid #sweet-blood-of-mine #funny

A blanket can be wrapped around one’s head and used as a helmet. It’s particularly appropriate if you wear your blanket helmet during a pillow fight with me, because unbeknownst to you, I’ll have a brick stuffed at the bottom of my pillowcase.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what he'd do if she threw some mud in it. Probably kill her. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#cerise #funny #hair #ilona-andrews #the-edge

As for your punishment, Midwife, you’ll receive the standard penalty for treason. We’re disbarring you from Our psyche. Put him on the next neurotransmitter bound for the temporal lobe. He can spend the rest of his days quivering in fear and wavering between short and long-term memory. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #midwifery #treason #funny

Bags! ↗

— Terry Goodkind

#book #curse #funny #humor #magic

To suppose that the eye with all its inimitable contrivances for adjusting the focus to different distances, for admitting different amounts of light, and for the correction of spherical and chromatic aberration, could have been formed by natural selection, seems, I confess, absurd in the highest degree...The difficulty of believing that a perfect and complex eye could be formed by natural selection , though insuperable by our imagination, should not be considered subversive of the theory. ↗

— Charles Darwin

#confessions-of-the-darwinists #conjecture #darwin #darwinism #darwinist-confessions