#y

The porpoises and whale themselves, in their quests for entertainment, often created problems. One summer a fashion developed in the training tanks (I think Keiki started it) for leaning out over the tank wall and seeing how far you could balance without falling out. Several animals might be teetering on the tank edge at one time, and sometimes one or another did fall out. Nothing much happened to them, except maybe a cut or a scrape from the gravel around the tanks; but of course we had to run and pick them up and put them back in. Not a serious problem, if the animal that fell out was small, but if it was a 400-pound adult bottlenose, you had to find four strong people to get him back, and when it happened over and over again, the people got cross. We feared too, that some animal would fall out at night or when no one was around and dry out, overheat, and die. We yelled at the porpoises, and rushed over and pushed them back in when we saw them teetering, but that just seemed to add to the enjoyment of what I'm sure the porpoises thoguht of as a hilariously funny game. Fortunately they eventually tired of it by themselves. ↗

— Karen Pryor

#dolphin #funny

I was of course discussing the book of Leviticus. I don't know why your mind is so filthy these days, Bingley. ↗

— Marsha Altman

#funny #mr-darcy #funny

The grass isn't greener on the other side unless you look over the fence ↗

— Mr. Earl

#funny

Please ta meetcha, kid. I'm Aahz." "Oz?" "No Relation." "No relation to what?" I asked, but he was examining the room again. ↗

— Robert Lynn Asprin

#funny

That’s funny. You would think after being followed and shoved into a dark alley by a stranger, you would be at least a little shaken. Don’t tell me, you are a black belt just waiting for the perfect moment to strike.” He laughed soundlessly. “I mean your words do sound brave but your eyes and the fact that you’re trembling like a scared little kitten say something else entirely.” Even though the alley was submerged in darkness and shadows, it was obvious there was a devilish grin stretched across his face... ↗

— Nicole Rae

#clandestine #scary-humor #slayer #supernatural #vampire

I recorded the ding-dong sound that shoplifting sensors at the doors of Wal-Mart make. Now I just stand at the exit and press play as people try to leave. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #shoplifting #funny

I have two problems with hard labor: hard and labor. I prefer soft, and I’d prefer not giving birth. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

I’ve compiled a list of five suspects, and all five could be mistakenly narrowed down to one by a lesser investigator, because all five are nearly identical in physical demeanor and dimensions. They could all be monozygotic twins, or clones, or holographic projections of each other. They all are egg-shaped like humpty Dumpty, only more omelet-like in the face, as each has two beady black olive eyes, thin strips of bacon for lips, and a rosy grape tomato for a nose. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #funny

My medication must be wearing off I'm starting to think my jokes are funny. ↗

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

#funny

He had bright elfin eyes and a knowledgeable ass. ↗

— Chris Hannan

#funny